Most well-meaning parents accidentally crank up their child's SATs anxiety in the final week. Not with anything they intend. With small things they say without thinking — the cheery "good luck!", the throwaway "make sure you do your best", the optimistic "you've worked so hard, it'll be fine".
Each of those is heard differently by an 11-year-old than it sounds in your head. Here are scripts that land, and the ones to put down.
School run, Monday morning
Don't say: "Big week ahead!" or "Don't worry, it's just a test."
Both put SATs in the centre of the conversation. The first by inflating them. The second by drawing attention to the worry you've now confirmed they should have.
Do say: nothing specific to SATs. Talk about the weekend. Mention dinner tonight. Ask what they're playing at break. Treat Monday morning like Monday morning. The fewer words about SATs, the more normal the day feels.
Walking home from school, midweek
Don't say: "How did revision go today?" or "What did you do for SATs prep?"
These questions land like a tax inspection. Year 6 children at this point in the term are tired of being asked about SATs. They've been asked all day at school.
Do say: "What's the best thing that happened today?" — a positive opening that has nothing to do with the curriculum. If SATs come up, you'll know it's because they want to talk. If they don't, it's because they don't, and that's also fine.
Dinner, Wednesday night
Don't say: at the table, with siblings present, "So, are you feeling ready for Monday?"
Public questions about SATs in a family setting force a public answer. The honest answer ("not really") feels too vulnerable. So you get "yes I'm fine" — and the worry continues silently.
Do say: later, side-by-side at the sink or in the car, "If I could change one thing about how you're feeling about Monday, what would it be?" — Specific, not blanket. Offers them a thing to ask for, not a verdict to give.
Bedtime, the night before paper one
Don't say: "Good luck tomorrow!" or "Just do your best!"
Good luck implies the outcome depends on chance. Do-your-best is a bar that produces guilt if anything below their best happens. Both are well meant and both add weight at the moment you want to lift it.
Do say: "I love you. Sleep well. Tomorrow's going to be tomorrow." It says nothing about the test. It says everything about your relationship with the child taking it.
The script you want is the one that makes the test smaller, not larger. SATs are something they're doing, not something they are. Every sentence that confirms that is doing the work.
Walking to school, Monday morning
Don't say: "Right, this is it!" or "Show them what you can do!"
Pre-game speeches work for football matches and not much else. SATs aren't a one-shot performance. They're a 60-minute exam where the child needs to be calm enough to think. Calm doesn't follow a rallying cry.
Do say: Almost nothing about SATs. Notice the weather. Mention what's for dinner. Wave them in. The fewer words about SATs at the school gate, the better the next 60 minutes will go.
After paper one
Don't say: "How did it go?" or "What did you get?"
You'll mean: how do you feel? They'll hear: did you do well? Most children come out of a SATs paper unable to assess how it went — only how it felt. The feeling is often "I have no idea". Asking about content forces a wrong answer.
Do say: "Hello, lovely. Hungry?" — Greet the child, not the candidate. If they want to talk about the paper, they will, when they're ready. Until then, food and a normal afternoon.
More on what to do after each paper here.
If they have a bad moment
Don't say: "Don't cry, it's fine" or "Everyone gets stressed".
The first dismisses the feeling. The second compares them down. Both leave the child more alone with it.
Do say: "That sounds rough. Tell me what's hardest about it." Then listen. Don't fix. Don't explain. Don't reassure too fast. Just be the person who heard them.
You can fix the situation tomorrow. Tonight your job is to be the calm body in the room.
The scripts that work all year
A few sentences that, used genuinely, do a lot of heavy lifting:
- "I'm proud of you whatever happens this week" — unconditional, said once on Sunday evening, never repeated
- "This is one thing in a very long list" — proportion, said gently if they're spiralling
- "You don't have to talk about it" — permission, given when they're quiet, opens more conversations than direct questions ever do
The right script is shorter than the wrong one. Most accidental SATs pressure comes from too many words about SATs. The week before is the week to be calm, vague about the test, and specific about love. More on what your child is actually thinking here.
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